I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
