I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
