Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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