im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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