My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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