...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
