i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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