Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
