Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
