She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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