Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
