Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
