i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
