dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
