the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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