DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
