just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
