I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
