She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
