you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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