i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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