Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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