Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize