I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
