I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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