My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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