I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
