i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
