New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
