you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
