just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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