your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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