You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
