oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
