That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
