Where is the hickey?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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