Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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