what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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