Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
