ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
