i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
