My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
