Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
