you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
