Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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