I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
