Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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