Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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