I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
