Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
