Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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