WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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