swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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