if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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