Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
