Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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