Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
