I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
