so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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