I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
