Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
