Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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