last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
