We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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