Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
