Already got asked if we're dating
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
