The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
