sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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