i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
