At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize